Twilight relationship unhealthy

By: lestanley

Dec 15 2009

Category: 1


Specialist warns against relationships with 91 years age difference

With the Twilight books and movies making their rounds it’s easy for those reading to get wrapped up in the romance, but they must be reminded that the relationships depicted are unhealthy.

Although Bella Swan may appear to be the same age as her main love interest, Edward Cullen, there is actually a large difference between the two.  “While Bella is your average 17-year-old teen, Edward is actually a 108-year-old-vampire-stalker” says an expert on all things relevant.

With some confusion over what constitutes a “stalker” we decided to call up political scientist Janni Aragon.  She tells us that: “at times he can be condescending. He watches her while she is sleeping. He is uninvited — and in the real world, that’s called stalking. That’s not the same as being in love with someone so much you’re obsessed.”

With this definition in mind clearly Edward does have some slight “stalkerish” tendencies.

It is clear after reading these books that no one is taking the time to teach children these days the “half-your-age-plus-seven.”  If Bella had been taught this rule then she would have known that she would not be able to date anyone over the age of 21, and Edward should only be in the market for those above the age of 61. (We thank our resident mathematician for this information.)

Considering Edward’s age one must wonder what he is still doing in school. A man (or vampire) by the age of 108 surely should have been able to graduate.  It must be noted that maybe he chooses to stay in school to prey on unsuspecting girls.  Parents should be concerned that their daughters, just as easily as Bella, may fall victim to a pedophile who, just like Edward, has managed to trick the school system into believing they are 17-years-old.

Above all, parents should warn their children against entering into relationships with mythical characters, vampire or otherwise.  Our expert on all things relevant tells us that this is not a healthy relationship.  “A relationship needs two people to properly work. Without two people you’re going to run into problems; Even if in your mind you’re dating an incredibly sexy, sparkling heartthrob.”  Even if it does start out as a harmless vampire, that vampire may turn into a giant, and that giant into a unicorn.

At first read Jasmine Marshall*, 12, thought Twilight was “cool and I wished life could be like this.

“But then I was reading that she only does what he does and she’s kind of needy. She’s a follower and he’s like, ‘I’m the best and I can tell you what to do and watch you and stalk you.’

“I don’t really like that,” said Marshall. “I think it should be more realistic.”

Jasmine’s parents could not be more relieved to have their daughter, but they fear for her safety after leaving the fandom.  We have been informed that those still involved in the fandom have been sending threats directed to the family.

Aside from this, Edward surely must be a bad influence on Bella; not the type of guy you would want your daughter to be dating.  If you do not teach your son or daughter what a healthy relationship looks like they may end up in a situation that looks a lot like Bella’s.

“They need to realize that this is just a movie, just a book, and that it’s not the norm.”

*Name has been changed to protect individuals safety, as well as her dignity.


I decided to remix this article because I think all the drama surrounding the relationship portrayed between Bella and Edward is ridiculous. Now I do not read Twilight, so I’m not an obsessive fan, and from an outsiders view it is all very annoying.  I think the girls that read Twilight and suddenly become so engrossed in the fictional character of Edward Cullen that they compare all other guys to him is a little over the top.  I also think that this article does bring up the faults in their relationship but misses the extreme, but still problematic, point that he is a vampire. Because sadly that is what Twilight has created.


2 comments on “Twilight relationship unhealthy”

  1. What ever!! you must really read the book before you call the scientists!
    it’s so clear that you didn’t read it. Anyway… Edward already said why he’s still at school in the Twilight book.
    “I think it should be more realistic.”
    More realistic how? it’s a story of VAMPIRE what’s realistic about that, and other that the fact that they’re vampires, Stephenie has been as realistic as she could in the story.
    ” Edward surely must be a bad influence on Bella”
    –> What’s wrong with their relationship, Edward made it very clear that he won’t do more than “kissing” until they get married. and what’s more important that that for a parent…
    and more!

  2. laughed out loud at least twice reading this. does a good job of pointing out the ridiculous by making it even more ridiculous (“from a giant, into a unicorn” was my favourite line)

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