Three weeks ago I arrived three hours late for work. This story tries to examine how reliant we are on electricity.
Detective Ardour sits in front of the blank screen at his desk drinking his cold coffee. Going to great lengths to write legibly and neatly, his progress is slow. Finally, he picks up the paper and holds it at a distance to see his finished work. The report is scribbled with mousy rather sloppy handwriting. Instinctively, he looks at his watch that stopped working two weeks ago. He then scrutinizes the darkening sky. Probably another hour before his shift ends. Home reminds him of his feuds with Di. His wife and he have been bickering a lot more lately since the couple stopped watching television together. His whole family has been quite irritable. Yesterday, he had to drop off his son Martin for soccer practice. Martin, brought everything except for his cleats, and flustered Ardour had to bike home to fetch them. The donut shop outside the police station was a real life saver. Ardour is no longer as fit as he use to be and he hyperventilates after a few kilometers of biking. His children have whined about not being able to watch T.V or do homework. Having skipped coffee for several days, he was more irritated than usual and barked at his children to shut up. Diane, who just came back from work, disliked his attitude and yelled at him for yelling at them, which started a yelling competition. To avoid a similar scenario, Ardour decided to have some coffee today, which consisted of mixing coffee beans (crushing them was taking too long) and cold water. The nauseating taste gives him new determination to fix this calamity. His boss has already threatened to fire him, which he usually does at every case — only not this early. Miraculously, the only remaining workable technology comes to life: the phone rings. Doug his partner is on the line.
- “Hey Ed, you still at the police station.”
- “Yes. Did you find anything in Norway”
- “I just had a word with Dr. Swindzigger and I called to tell you that this case is beyond our limits. His team detected shortages in places as far as China”
“Yes, but we already know that. What we need to figure out is who or what is causing this problem,” insisted Ed.
- “Look, he said that Canada is the only country that appears to be sending strong signals of concentrated voltage. We can’t go all the way to Canada because one, it is beyond the Swedish Jurisdiction; two, there is no plane flying to Canada! So unless you want us to swim there—”
- “Why Canada?”
- “I DON’T KNOW!!!”
- “Meet me in Belgium in three days, outside the Luxemburg Hotel!”
- “What’s in Belgium?”
“I’ll tell you once we meet,” Ardour hangs up and calls his wife.
- “Hey, Di”
“You coming home?” Her tone is cautious but anxious
- “Well, I found a lead. I won’t be home for a couple of weeks.”
- “Where’re you off to?”
- “Doug and I are going to Canada?”
- “Oh,” she said coolly. She loathes seeing her husband going away on business trips.
Soon after they hang up. Detective Ardour hastily wears his coat, while promising himself to make up to Di and his children.
At 5:00am, Dr. Prodroma is still in his basement working in candlelight in an effort to lower his Hydro bill and accumulate electricity for the final experiment. His eyes are transfixed to the paper with hundreds of scribbled mathematical equations. This and many others crowd his tiny desk. After seven years of tedious work, he feels closer than ever to fulfilling his ambition. However, there is a problem. It is the sixth day and he still hasn’t solved the most crucial part of his quest: the Electrovital equation. Flustered and on the verge of another breakdown, he shuts his eyes. Taking a deep breath, he momentarily gives in to his mission. His heavy body appears motionless and half dead, though his mind bustles tirelessly. His fatigue is beyond belief. His eyes had once fluttered stubbornly out of exhaustion; now, they hurt to blink. Suddenly memories flashed before his eyes: the shock of losing both his parents from lightening in Malibu, where the family was vacationing; the feeling of despair and disgust upon discovering that he was to live with Aunt Luminous, one whose apartment, would lit up like a Christmas tree, on a normal day, with countless light bulbs and cheap trappings; his first job in BC Hydro Inc., where he is bullied for his extreme views on anti-electricity. His pain returns with new intensity. Slowly opening his eyelids, a giant emerges. The gloomy room is alive and ready. Rows of shelves piled with dusty glass jars full of ghastly green paralyzed reptiles clutter the space. An orchestra of sounds echo in the tiny room. Simmer, Boil, Bubble, Squeal…
The Courtroom is well lit. Albert Parodroma is forced to wear sunglasses with the judges’ permission. Six severe looking judges are seated right across from him. He gulps as the verdict is read to him.
“Suspect Albert Parodroma from Canada is accused of crime against humanity. During the past six weeks, the International Tribunal Court has heard both sides of the case. We acknowledge Suspect’s tragic life, which caused him to suffer from depression that developed into Electro phobia, which was left untreated. We also acknowledge that the entire world suffered from Power outages for thirty days. Industries collapsed on a global scale. Tunisia, Yugoslavia, Uzbekistan and Yemen suffered from economic depression as a result of high unemployment. Millions of people had no access to proper health care. Fifteen people, dependant on life support, died instantly during the first hours of the outage. Ten cases of suicide were reported. Eighty-five cases of missing children and adults were caused by GPS malfunction. Citizens of Pakistan, Uruguay, Mexico and Srilanka, who rely on wells powered by electricity, had no access to clean water. Five cases of food poisoning were due to food going bad in refrigerators.
The Court finds the Suspect guilty of siphoning off the world’s electric power. In light of this evidence, we find the Suspect guilty on account of jeopardizing human security in accordance with Article 1(2) of the United Nation’s Charter of Rights.
Detective Edward Ardour and Douglas Prudence receive a commendation from the United Nations for their service to the world by solving the mystery behind power outage.
